


When It All Comes Crashing Down

by twinSky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Sadstuck, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 08:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinSky/pseuds/twinSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John really couldn’t remember how long it had been.<br/>How long it had been since everything spiraled out of control.<br/>He didn’t even mean when the game started, he meant after that, maybe even before.<br/>That one moment, when he finally cracked, when his entire world shattered.<br/>In fact, he wasn’t even aware it had happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When It All Comes Crashing Down

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I figured out how to code chats!!!!! So yup now they are all coloured and pretty, I'm happy.
> 
> 1-I can't write poetry, that wasn't meant to be poetry, it ended up being poetry because I just like rhyming.  
> 2-This is based off of the Psycho!John tumblr, I love it so this happened.  
> 3-Yes I realize this switches POV/tense. I wanted to write the entire thing with 'he' 'him etc, but it wasn't working, it kept getting confusing and I'd end up typing you. So about half way through it switches, at least it's not like randomly in the middle of talking, it happens after a break

John really couldn’t remember how long it had been.

How long it had been since everything spiraled out of control.

He didn’t even mean when the game started, he meant after that, maybe even before.

That one moment, when he finally cracked, when his entire world shattered.

In fact, he wasn’t even aware it had happened.

The game had shown him he wasn’t sane, he wasn’t normal, he never had been. He had lied to himself his whole life, lulled himself into a state of false security. He remembered the first instance when he realized something was wrong, when he had come out of his dad’s room and gone into his own. Only to find crude words and drawings scattered all over his walls and posters, things he himself had apparently drawn. He realized in that moment he was probably not all that sane, but he took it in stride, sort of. After all he had friends to protect, and a confused friend leader was just useless. And things were fine, he was okay with it mostly, he really only had one problem with the drawings.

Why had he made himself blind to them?

He had refused to dwell on the question; it would bring up unnecessary thoughts, thoughts that were just not useful at all. He couldn’t really dwell on it either, he didn’t have much of a choice, and if he ever tried a voice in his head would whisper to him he wasn’t crazy. And despite all his doubts John believed it, he was naive probably, but the delusion kept him safe, whether he realized it or not.

“I’m not crazy” he whispered to himself, and something inside him whispered it back, reassuring him everything would be alright.

He hugged his knees, bringing them tightly to him. He cringed a little as he felt the cold, wet, stickiness touch him.

He told himself it was water it had to be, what else could it be?

He looked at it and saw its red tint and his eyes widened.

_Don’t worry it’s just water_

He nodded his head dumbly to the voice in his head.

Of course it was water, what else could it be?

His vision flickered for a second and when it steadied the once red liquid was clear, assuring him that it was indeed water. Of course, he wasn’t crazy.

He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to overtake him. And though he couldn’t see it he remained drenched and surrounded by a sea of red, bodies strewn about.

_You aren’t crazy, you are perfectly fine._

And through his half asleep mind he somehow knew this to be wrong, but the voice kept him sane, so maybe he was wrong? He nodded to himself, yes that was it, he was sane, he was perfectly fine.

He opened his mouth and said it with the voice, as if it was talking not him. “ _I’m not crazy, I am perfectly fine.”_ He smiled, but not his normal one, this was one darker more sinister, it quickly fell away though as he fell into the darkness of sleep.

~

He opened his eyes but he was not where he last remembered being, he somewhere else, somewhere he remembered perfectly well.

Some place he desperately needed to get away from.

He was at the castle, the one he had finally found his father in, the castle where he first met Rose. The castle where everything fell apart.

 _No, nothing fell apart, you are sane, you are normal, and you are_ fine _._

He clutched his head, even in his dreams the voice was there, an ever constant, reminding him he was sane, whether he was or not.

But of course he was, after all what else could he be. He was certainly not crazy.

He began walking, destination unclear to him, but his feet were sure. He did not want to be here, it made him hurt, and he didn’t know why. He couldn’t really remember what happened here, he had followed Rose up to the top where they found... something? Someone, he guessed, his father probably, because he knew he found him here.

He wondered why neither Rose nor his father were with him now, had they gotten separated? Certainly they were all right, nothing could have happened to them.

_They’re fine, you’re fine, we are all fine._

Again he nodded to the voice in head, of course we’re fine, nothing and could have happened.

Somewhere in the back of head he wondered why he never questioned the voice, following its words without question, but he found the thought banished, unable to even let it bloom. It was unimportant though, there was no need to question the voice it was only here to help.

And for a brief second he wondered, ‘am I in control or it?’ this thought to, was banished.

He looked around his surroundings, which had changed since he had last looked. There were bodies everywhere, bodies of prospitians and dersites. He looked at them confused, if everyone was safe why were there massacred corpses everywhere.

He clutched his head once again. There was so much pain and he didn’t know why.

Was he forgetting something? He had to be, because he could simply not remember this happening. Granted much of this moment was a blur, he was sure this would be something worth remembering.

_This is just a dream; of course it’s not real._

The pain in his head did not lessen upon hearing the comment, if anything it worsened. If this wasn’t real then why did it feel like it? He just didn’t know anymore.

He blinked, having to shield himself from the upcoming bright light. He grinned, happy to have finally reached the top; surely things would make sense up there.

He rubbed his eyes as he finally took those final steps, looking at his surroundings. And when he did he felt like something inside him died, like something inside him broke, and it could never be fixed, never again be whole.

Still though he didn’t cry, he was never one for tears, no matter how sad he found an event.

He saw his father on the ground, surrounded by disgusting candy red liquid, blood. He was staring up into the dark sky, he briefly wondered how he had seen such a bright light if it was so dark out here, he ignored it though, as it was really just not important. His eyes were solely focused on the form of his dead father who lay next to a woman in a pink scarf.

They were dead, his mind echoed, but that didn’t make sense he would remember if father died, he had to, how could one forget that.

_It’s a dream! Not real don't worry about, everything’s fine._

And despite what every fiber of his being screamed he found himself believing the voices words. For the first time noticing, but not caring for, its dark menacing tone.

His head continued to ache, and his vision was flickering between the dark images he at first saw, to something brighter and kinder. He found himself wanting to live in the latter, where everything seems brighter. He could feel the voice smirk, he failed to care.

And just as he began to close his eyes, ready to fall into whatever awaited him he was jerked into alertness, by the sound of a shriek and an overjoyed snarl.

He begins to turn his head, to see what the sound was, but he is jerked back, as if someone grabbed his chin and forced him to look forward. The voice speaks again sounding more angered then you have ever heard it.

_DON'T LOOK! YOU MUSTN'T, YOU SHOULDN'T._

He shakes his head, he really wants to look

_NO, NO, NO! TRUST ME IT’S NOT SAFE._

Again he shakes his head, he has to see, he simply has to

_FINE THEN LOOK! NO ONE WINS HERE, except maybe me._

He begins to turn his head, failing to hear his final words.

_Remember you are not crazy... because the crazy one is me._

These words are lost on the young heir, his eyes have already landed on the site he was begged not to see. He sees himself; he has on the ground like his father was, dead eyes staring up, and fresh blood flowing from his chest. He subconsciously raises his hand, tracing the spot where he sees the wound. He doesn’t really care for that though. He knows he will be fine, after all gods don't die such cheap deaths; he’s still here isn’t he.

What he does see is Rose, in her grimdark state; she is angry, angry at what seems to be a dog with wings. It takes a second for everything to click, but it does and slowly everything in his head clears and he remembers, just as the scene unravels again before his eyes.

He sees the part he never got to witness, being dead at the time. Rose, consumed in her anger, attacks Jack, a futile effort but her anger impairs her judgement. She, while lasting longer than you did, is quickly defeated, and she falls to the ground, dying.

It is then he awakes, reborn once again due to his god tier state. He sees her, and she’s still awake, though not for much longer. She is dying right in front of him, and he can do nothing to ease her pain, his eyes water, but they tears do not flow. He simply cannot cry.

And then, without notice, with no words, she takes a final breath, a shudder racking her body as she does, and her eyes clothes. Breath no longer flows from her, she is void of it, it won’t flow through her ever again.

He finds it funny, he is the heir of breath, the _heir_ of _breath,_ yet he could not give breath to someone who needed it, what a useless person he is.

It’s almost laughable, and so he does, laugh that is.

The sound is demented and wrong, even Jack is staring at him oddly.

He realizes the sound is coming from both the him in his dream, and he himself, the voice in him sighs, it seems disappointed yet excited at the same time.

His attention turns back to his dream counterpart who is still laughing, they both are. He has stood up, Rose at his feet, the wind whipping violently around him. He has a manically grin on his face, his eyes darker than normal. He raises Zillyhoo, and even though the wind is strong, his grip is firm, and his arm does not waver, not even the smallest bit.

He rushes forward at Jack who does the same in return, Jack’s attacks are futile though, the wind is shielding him, creating a barrier around him that he cannot penetrate. And before Jack can do anything about it John has successfully connected his hammer to the side of Jacks head. The already powerful weapon powered by the winds force makes the hit much harder than it needed be. There is a sickening crack and the wind around him comes to a screeching halt. John watches as Jack falls to the ground, blood pooling around his head. He twitches a bit before becoming still, he too is dead.

John stares, horrified by what he has done. Sure Jack was an evil man but no one deserves such a death. He looks over to his dream version, hoping to see a look of horror, sorrow, something that says he too is not pleased by the outcome.

What he finds though is a grin. A grin so crazed and malicious he cannot believe it is him wearing it.

_I warned you not to look._

The voice goes ignored as John continues to stare at his own face with its twisted features. His dream self glances in his direction, as if it knows he is there, and widens its grin. He begins to charge at him, or maybe something behind him John doesn’t know. All he wants to do is scream.

So he does.

~

He jumps up, stumbling a little, the dream still fresh in his mind. He refuses to believe it was real, it was too horrible to admit. If it was true then what had he done after, how long had he been here.

Why couldn’t he remember anything?

His head begins to ache. Everything around him is flickering between bright candy red and the normal scenery. Only he is not sure anymore which is normal.

He is hyperventilating, the heir or breath unable to catch his own, and again he wants to laugh at how ironic it all is. He doesn’t this time, only because he can’t.

He eventually does catch his breath, he is back on the ground and is staring up at the sky, he does not remember going back to this position, he doesn’t care though, it doesn’t matter.

It also doesn’t matter that everything continues to flicker, he refuses to focus on it, it makes his head hurt. Closing his eyes he takes a deep breath before pulling out his computer shades, hoping to contact Jade or Dave, he needs them to tell him what’s going on.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:12--

EB: dave? are you there? 

EB: dude answer me, i need some help here.

              \-- turntechGodhead [TG] is unavailable, message could not be received--

Confused by the message he tries again, same response. He tries Jade, the same thing. And because something in him tells him to he tries Rose, trying to confirm something. He gets the same message, his heart thuds in his chest.

He understands now, they aren’t getting his messages because they are all _dead._ But how? Who could have killed them, Jack perhaps? It’s the only possible explanation, what else could it have been. _Who_ else could it have been?

His head was really pounding now.

He stood up and glanced around, hoping to see something, though it was really hard to see anything when the scenery kept flickering between two different images.  As he glanced around he did notice something’s, when the scenery flashed its sickly red there was something on the ground. Lots of something’s. He stopped at a place where he was sure he saw something, hoping to figure out what it was the next time it flickered.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw it, it was a body, dead of course. Head smashed in, the skull having cracked and leaked its contents. Somehow the sight did not make John want to puke but he still wanted to get away. He took slow steps backward, eyes glued to the body, even as it flickered in and out of view.

He never really wondered why things kept flickering it seemed so _normal._

He ended up tripping on nothing, only it wasn’t nothing, it was nothing at first, but as it flickered into the red painted world he noticed it, another body, only this one was familiar.

He knew who this person was.

They had never truly met but he knew it was unmistakable. His eyes filled with tears, his head pounded and the flickering was going out of control not staying on either place for longer than a second. He dropped to his knees and stared down at where he knew they were, whether he saw them or not.

“Dave...”

As he whispered the name the flickering began to steady, staying longer in the realm in which he could see Dave’s bloodied and battered body. Even without looking he knew Jade was here somewhere, probably nearby, but he couldn’t bring himself to look. He didn’t want to see the state she was in. It was bad enough to see Dave, someone he considered a friend, a bro, a _brother._ But Jade, she actually was his sister and, he just couldn’t take any of this anymore.

He continued to stare at Dave, eyes drawn to the wound that surely ended his life. He had been hit with something, John wasn’t sure what, and it had hit him with such force that the entire side was broken. John could tell simply by looking. He winced; he was pretty sure Dave did not die right away but stayed alive quite a bit, suffering with the pain.

The flickering had calm down, staying on the form doused in red, it still changed, but not long enough for John to notice. He reached out and touched the wound, flinching at how hollow it felt, the size and shape of the wound seemed familiar but John could not place it. He knew it hadn’t been Jack, Jack used a knife or a sword, this was a wound from something else and John for the life of him could figure out what weapon it had been.

It frustrated him, knowing he knew but not being able to place it. He grabbed his hair and pulled, he knew this was probably an overreaction but he just felt so _lost,_ so _confused, so damn angry._

The pounding in his head was back with full force, he was sure pulling his hair didn’t help it any, it was like it was _trying_ to prevent him from realizing. And the thought enraged him.

The voice in his head was whispering sweet nothings into his ear, in his head, all around him. All in some attempt to make him forget, to go back to that false reality he had been in for the longest time.

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, _SHUT UP!_ ” He screamed as loud as he could, he needed it to shut up, he couldn’t go back to that, no matter how much better it seemed, he needed to figure things out, he needed to understand.

He shot up from his place on the ground, not wanting to be here anymore, the voice in his head wouldn’t stop talking, wouldn’t stop whispering, wouldn’t stop _existing._ He looked at Dave, still annoyed he couldn’t figure out what object had caused the terrible wound. He looked at the corpse a second longer before beginning his stride onwards; he got about three paces ahead before he stopped once again.

He remembered why he hadn’t wanted to move, why he just wanted to stare looking at Dave for the rest of his life.

There was Jade, just as lifeless as Dave, in a much worse way.

She had apparently been struck in the neck because it was split, her head barely attached to her body. John cringed, this was so much worse than Dave, the only comfort he could find is that she most likely died quickly. How could one even hope to survive that?

And as he stared into her cold lifeless eyes, eyes that seemed to stare accusingly at him, his head began to pound once again. He couldn’t take this anymore, it was all so much, so his mind blanked.

And with his mind blank he failed to notice things.

Failed to notice the wind whip violently around him.

Failed to notice the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Failed to notice how the winds intensity kept increasing.

Failed to notice how he was screaming, so loud even the wind failed to drown out the sound.

Failed to notice that the wind was swirling around with such force it was beginning to cut him.

Failed to notice the walls he had unconsciously built around himself begin to crack.

Failed to notice the wind dyed a subtle red from all the blood it had become laced with.

Failed to notice he just didn’t care anymore.

He snapped open eyes he had no memory of closing and gazed forward. It was hard to see farther than 2 feet away because of the wind but he gazed anyways. Jade’s body was all but forgotten, as was Dave’s, after all if he didn’t think about then it didn’t happen. Right?

_That’s right, that’s right! Erase away the painful! Destroy what makes you hurt. Forget to ease the pain. It’s okay to do that! Of course it’s right._

John could almost feel the dementedness the voice gave off. Even so he found himself agreeing.

_And if that doesn’t work there’s always me~_

John tilted his head to the side in confusion, not even wincing when the wind caught his cheek and sliced it. In fact he almost smiled when it happened.

_Hehehehe~ I guess I should explain myself no?~_

The voice just kept sounding more demented in his ears, yet he could not find it in him to ignore it.

_I’m you John I’m you! If you want to run and hide of course its fine! I’ll always be here, never far, always near! Hehehe!_

The voice laughed, John guessed because it had sort of rhymed.

John opened his mouth to speak, his throat felt sore and he wondered when the last time he spoke was _._ “... I-I can hide from everything?” the idea excited him more than anything. Everything hurt so much, and he couldn’t even remember what happened that made everything so jumbled up and foggy to him.

_Of course! Say the word John and I’ll take over, feel free to be at peace in your memories!_

So tempting, so tempting, so tempting! John really couldn’t find anything to make him disagree or deny the offer. He wanted peace and he was being offered it no? Who cares if this offer came from a voice that was supposedly him, that didn’t matter! He really wasn’t sure why he was even considering this, the answer seemed so clear. So he nodded the simplest of gestures, much too tired to form a vocal reply again. And when he did he swore the voice smirked, no matter how silly that sounded.

_Okay John if you say so!_

He felt something tug at his mind, his eye lids felt heavy, and everything felt fuzzy. He closed his eyes and slowly fell into the darkness.

_Fooled you once shame on me_

_Fooled you twice shame on you_

_And a third time, well we’ll see,_

_If you’re lucky what I’ll do,_

_Is set you free._

_Until then, your mine_

_Trapped in your mind_

_Things won’t be fine,_

_Because you’re in my bind._

_Good bye, Johnny-boy!_

_You’ll be dearly missed,_

_Fallen victim to a ploy,_

_One you didn’t even know._

The last thing John remembered, before falling asleep, was pure unbridled fear.

~

His eyes opened, though they were always open, at least that’s what he thought. It was the only explanation because he was flying, his eyes had to have been open, how else would he be able to know where he was going?

Still he felt like something was wrong, like this wasn’t him...

It’s when he tried to gaze down and realized he couldn’t that he realized something was wrong. He tried to move a muscle, any muscle, without success. He was trapped in his own body and he didn’t know why.

And while he tried to make sense of this his body swooped down, gathering air around it. He landed with an almost inaudible thump, the wind cushioning his descent. And as his body wandered across the chess board like land he noticed something, everyone he passed seemed utterly terrified of him.

But why?

He really needed to stop asking questions, he never liked the answer.

One of the many dersites running around tripped over something John didn’t recognize, landing right in front of him, it made him almost trip as well.

The dersite looked up, terror evident in his eyes and features, and John was just about to find out why.

“Please, please, please, don't hurt me, I beg of you!” John felt his lips tug into a cruel, sickeningly sweet smile, he felt so disgusted by his own body.

“See I was gooooing to, buuuut, now that you begged,” his eyes twinkled, “I think I’ll just end your pathetic life!” and then, with a cackle that would make Terezi proud, he brought down Zillyhoo, hitting the dersite square on the top of the head, like one would a weasel in this pop-up games, and watched with glee as the head cracked and exploded, red splattering everywhere. The body fell backwards and the blood began to form a puddle of candy red, he bends down and looks into it, allowing John to finally see himself.

He sees himself, though it reminds him of anything but, the figure in the reflection shares his features but wears them differently.

His mouth seems to be in a permanent playful grin that seemed so wrongly innocent on him. His eyes twinkle with madness and seem to constantly change between wide and innocent to slit and deceptive. His outfit though, it almost scared him, it was drenched in blood, though his hood seemed to be the worst. It was blood soaked from over half way up and it seemed to still be dripping. The rest of the outfit was splattered with blood in odd places, he felt so disgusted by himself. He saw one of his arms reach out into blood that pooled, arms that seemed stained with blood, reaching all the way up to just below his elbows.

The hand reached out and stuck out a finger, swiping it across the blood. He saw his face lit up with a smile that reminded him of a child playing in the sand. Soon both hands were there drawing shapes in the blood that would leave gaps in the blood before being quickly filled in again. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for but he was eventually pulled away from staring at himself play with blood when a hand touched his shoulder and pulled him away.

He was able to stare long enough into the blood to notice the smile turn sour.

He turned to see Jade, Dave right behind her, looking at him with a worried look on her face.

“John... where’s Rose? And why are you covered in blood!” Her voice held none of the usual chipperness, it was sad and confused.

“Hehehehe! Don't you know~ Rose is dead! Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!” He sees the look of horror on Jade’s face and couldn’t help but agree, why did he sound so happy while saying that?

“Dead! What do you mean dead? Why didn’t you revive her! Her dreamself was still alive!” She sounded angry, and John knew she had the right to.

“No! That’s not possible, no, no, no! I didn’t let her die I didn’t! It’s not my fault! Besides, I avenged her! I avenged dad, and her mom and I think Dave’s bro to!” he was speaking to quickly, everything jumbled, like he was trying to make sense of things himself.

“What do you mean avenge Egbert?” His face remained impassive but you could see the small downward twitch of his lips.

“I killed Jack! He deserved it! Horrible Jack, bad Jack, stupid Jack, I HATE HIM!” his voice rose with every word, ending off with a scream.

Jade looked shocked and he could tell Dave’s eyebrows went up behind his shades.

“Dude, how’d you kill Jack? He’s supposed to be some unstoppable crazy over powered villain.”

John can tell by the way they look at him his expression changed into something strange, at the very least, strange on him. When his voice finally comes out he cringes at how horridly demented it sounds.

“With my hammer Dave! The wind protected me, and helped me swing faster, stronger. It understood Jack needed to die, so it helped me!” John’s face cracks into a grin; both Jade and Dave look unsettled by it. “Hit the side of his head, his skull cracked and then candy red blood was _everywhere!_ It was _so_ pretty.” His arms were waving around frantically, almost jumping around with glee.

Jade reaches out a hand and places it gently on his shoulder, he looks at her confused. “John you are not okay, something’s wrong.” He glares at her and Jade takes a step back in surprise.

“I am _fine._ ” Inside his head he chants it, it has become somewhat of a mantra to him. “Nothing is wrong at all Jade!” He stands now, arms held firmly at his side as he glowers at them both.

“No John you are not!” She looks scared but her voice remains firm. “Let us help you, scratch that, we are going to help you whether you like it or not.”

“You know what Jade?~ I don't very much like being told what to do!” The hammer flashes into his hand and from the place in his mind he watches on horrified.

“John... what are you going to do with that?”

The grin on his face feels far too wide, he is sure it shouldn’t be possible. “Isn’t it obvious!!!” his eyes lock on to hers and he somehow grins even wider. “I am going to kill you!”

Her eyes widen but she can do no more, before she, or Dave, has a chance to react John has hit her. A clean blow to the neck, John can almost _feel_ the hammer tear through her skin muscle and bones. He cringes as her scream which had barely started abruptly stops. She falls to the ground, eyes boring into him, dead.

He looks down at her, not a hint of remorse in his body, except perhaps for the him that watches from inside, and smirks. “Jade~ I expected something more!” he laughs.

He glances over at Dave, who has the decency to actually look horrified by this.

“Egbert... the fuck did you just do.” He had already summoned his sword and holds it protectively in front of him.

“What did I do?” he tilts his head to side, confused. “I killed Jade! Isn’t that obvious?” the look of horror on his face seems slightly more pronounced now. “Hehehehe!

“Maybe I should rephrase that, why did you do that.”

His head remains tilted as he speaks, “because she told me what to do Dave! And that is just _so_ annoying!”

 “That is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard.” John could feel Dave’s eyes stare coldly into him.

“Do you not agree Dave? Are you going to tell me what to do to?” John’s eyes narrowed.

“I am not going to tell you anything, I am going to make you.”

“Then I’m sorry Dave, you are going to have to die to.” John laughs as Dave’s eyes widen behind his shades, and when he charges forward he is still laughing, the sound carrying throughout the battle field.

Unlike Jade, Dave is prepared and manages to block the incoming blow, the force knocking him back a bit. John does not give him time to relax attacking head on once again, sword and hammer clash, both pushing the other back. From the close proximity John can see behind the others shades.

His red eyes betray the confidence he is trying to convey, for in them lies unmistakable fear. He smiles.

“Daaaaaaaave, I thought we were friends, best bros even! Why are you so scared?” he smiles openly at him and Dave frowns.

“Key word, were, you’ve fucking snapped bro, and if you won’t come to your sense then I’m taking you down.” John stares at him, gaze troubled.

“I didn’t snap, I am doing what I have to! You just don't understand Dave.” He glares, enraged. “Rose would have understood! Dad would have understood! Why did they have to die!” he sees the fear in Dave’s eyes grow with every sentence, he can’t bring himself to care. “And if they can’t live then maybe  neither should you!”

The wind begins to pulse around you before swirling like a tornado, it is surrounding the both of you and there is no way out. Unlike John, Dave is not used to this, for a split second he panics, unsure of how to react, it is all the time John needs.

He smiles down at Dave, a soft smile that makes Dave relax, foolishly believing that he has come to his senses. Their eyes are locked together, not a sound being made.

“Good-bye Dave.” He swings the hammer hard, hitting him in the side, his eyes break the gaze going down to stare at the wound, and he quickly looks up again, terrified. Blood flies from his mouth and stains John’s shirt. John smiles, amused.

The tornado around them begins to subside, and by the time it is completely gone Dave is gone, lifeless dead eyes hidden behind dark shades.

The people around stare at the scene that has just transpired, three of their four heroes are gone, dead. Yet there biggest enemy is gone as well. What happens now?

John looks over at them, eyes hard and cold. The majority of them jump and run away. The few who dont, do not live to regret it.

_What have you done! How could you do this to them, they were my friends!_

He has a voice now, maybe it was always there and he just never used it. It is much better than just watching everything happen, having no way of stopping it.

“I did what had to be done, they were going to cause pain, suffering, you dont want that, that’s why you let me free.”

He realizes why everything had seemed so foggy up till now, why he had seemed so joyous when he killed Jack. It wasn’t him, at least not completely.

_I don't care, what I thought, I don't know why I would have even though it! You... do you even realize what you’ve done!_

“I’ve done good!” he smiles with the innocence of a child and John can’t help but want to smack him.

_No you haven’t! You are crazy and demented and I don't know what was happening that I thought you were a good choice! Let me back out!_

“I can’t, it’ll hurt, you have to stay, besides you let me go, why would I ever want to go back.”

He bangs on walls he didn’t even know were there, he wants out, he needs out, despite how horrifying going out may seem.

His hand stops mid punch, does he really want to go out?

It is so much nicer here; he is choosing to look at the outside world but behind him lies peace and harmony, something he so desperately wants.

No, he shakes his head, he can’t live in this world of lies, he just can’t. He resumes his banging, hoping to elicit a reaction from the other, hoping to get himself out of here.

_Let me out!_

He is clutching his head and John smiles. He is doing something at least, hopefully it will be enough.

“FINE! I’ll let you go, this will not end up well, you will come back, I hope you know this.”

He nods, though he is sure that the other can’t see it, overjoyed. He denies what the other says though, he won’t let him win, this won’t happen again.

_Thank you!_

The other says nothing in reply, there is simply a sharp pain in his head and when he blinks his is outside.

He looks around, confused, wondering one thing.

‘How did I get here?’

He fails to remember why he is standing in the middle of the battle field. Last he remembered he was in the castle searching for his dad.

It can’t be that important, he decides as he sits down, ignoring the nagging feeling that it is important, and he should remember.

~

You are awake but you refuse to open your eyes, the longer they stayed closed the longer you don’t have to face the truth, what really happened.

You had killed Jade and Dave, because you were weak and stupid and let yourself be taken over. And worst of all, you let it happen again.

Why are you so stupid?

You still haven’t opened your eyes, though you can feel the tears running down your cheeks, funny how before you rarely cried and yet it was happening so easily now.

You open your eyes, rubbing the crust that had formed around them, and stared out with dull eyes.

You see yourself walking; blood predictably everywhere, you wonder fleetingly how long it had been since everything happened, and how many people he had killed. You suppose it didn’t really matter.

_Where are you going?_

You don’t want to turn into the blissful lies around you, you didn’t deserve it. But you don’t want to sit here quietly either.

“Oh you’re awake!!! How are you feeling!!! You shouldn’t really pay attention to me though, I want you to be happy, and happiness isn’t out here!!!”

Why is he always so happy? It is rather unnerving, ignoring his questions and statements, as they are unimportant, you repeat yours, wanting an answer.

_Where are you going?_

You feel him frown, probably because he was ignored, but he replies anyway.

“I’m not sure, there really isn’t anything left to do! I guess I’m waiting for something to happen to let us escape?”

You aren’t even sure if that’s possible, and if it isn’t, does that mean you’re stuck alone with a crazed person for the rest of your life? You sigh, maybe you should just turn into the lies, and at least you won’t be alone there.

_Right_

You sit there, contemplating the choices you have before you when you hear the familiar ding of a pesterchum chat. You wonder who it could be, obviously a troll, but which?

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:39--

CG: EGBERT

CG: ARE YOU THERE?

CG: I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES I WILL STUFF CURDLED HOOF BEAST MILK DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE AND LAUGH AS YOU CHOKE ON IT!

EB: hehehe!

EB: hi karkat!

CG: TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE KEEPING YOU, YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO, I WOULD KNOW.

EB: sorry karkat! i was distracted. :P

CG: WHATEVER! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID HUMAN PROBLEMS AND DISTRACTIONS, ONLY I DO BECAUSE THEY GOT IN THE WAY OF ME CONTACTING YOU.

CG: ANYWAYS, THIS IS GETTING OFF TRACK I TROLLED YOU FOR A REASON EGBERT, SEE HOW DISTRACTING YOU ARE, CAN’T EVEN GET A MESSAGE ACROSS WITHOUT YOU INTERRUPTING WITH YOUR IDIOTIC RAMBLINGS.

EB: but karkat, you’ve done all the talking!

EB: hehehe!

CG: I AM GOING TO IGNORE THAT CREEPY LAUGHTER OF YOURS THAT YOU ARE DOING MORE THAN NORMAL AND FOR NO REASON WHAT SO EVER, YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO HUMILIATE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR BUT I HAVE THINGS I NEED TO SAY.

EB: hehehe! :B

CG: LIKE I SAID, IGNORING!

CG: TO GET TO MY POINT THAT YOU SO RUDELY GOT IN THE WAY OFF, HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO THOSE IDIOTIC OF FRIENDS OF YOURS?

CG: NONE OF US OVER HERE HAVE HAD ANY LUCK CONTACTING ANY OF THEM.

CG: KEEP GETTING SOME ‘THIS PERSON IN UNAVAILABLE’ BULLSHIT! YOU SEEM TO BE WORKING FINE THOUGH.

CG: NORMALLY I WOULDN'T ASK, BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW I CAN SEE YOUR FUTURE AT ANY POINT IN TIME, AND THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU, BUT FOR SOME REASON ITS NOT WORKING. KEEP GETTING A BLANK SCREEN, WE CAN ONLY TROLL YOU WHICH BASICALLY PUTS ME ON THE SAME LEVEL AS YOU, GOD THAT LITERALLY FUCKING HURT TO SEND.

CG: THAT SOME IDIOTIC NOOKSNIFFER LIKE YOU IS ON MY LEVEL IS JUST SO DEGRADING YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND.

EB: hehehe!

CG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST RESPOND WITH THAT? WAY TO IGNORE THE FUCKING QUESTION EGBERT, SERIOUSLY DO YOU EVEN HAVE A THINKPAN?

EB: i know why they aren’t responding!

EB: hehehe!

CG: REALLY NOW, WOULD YOU CARE TO ENLIGHTEN ME, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW, AND THE ENTIRE REASON OF ME ASKING YOU IS SO THAT YOU COULD SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING SITUATION.

EB: i don’t think you’d like the answer though. :/

CG: TRY ME; I’M USE TO UNPLEASANT NEWS. MY SHIT HOLE OF A LIFE IS FULL OF IT.

EB: they’re dead! :D

EB: hehehe!

CG: THE HELL? DO YOU THINK THAT’S A GOOD JOKE EGBERT? THINK IT RAISES YOUR STUPID PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT? IT DOESN'T THAT IS A HORRIBLE PRANK AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

EB: karkat i’m not joking! why would i joke about that?

EB: :P

CG: IT IS REALLY HARD TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU KEEP SENDING RIDICULOUS HAPPY FACES AND IDIOTIC LAUGHTER.

CG: WAIT, ARE YOU ACTUALLY NOT JOKING?

CG: IF YOU AREN'T HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS, WEREN'T THESE PEOPLE LIKE YOUR BEST FRIENDS OR SOME SHIT. I KNOW I’M NOT THE MOST CREDIBLE SOURCE FOR THIS SHIT, BUT I AM PRETTY SURE ABOUT THIS.

EB: see i would be mad, but, well i got revenge for rose and dave and jade had it coming.

CG: REVENGE? HAD IT COMING? WHAT NONSENSE ARE YOU SPEAKING! MAKE SENSE SO THOSE OF US WHO HAVE WORKING THINK PANS CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR IDIOCY.

EB: hehehe! you’re so silly karkat!

EB: jack killed rose and dad, so i killed him! and then jade and dave just wouldn’t understand, so i had to kill them! :B

EB: don’t worry though! everything is totally fine!

CG: HAHAHAHA, REAL FUNNY EGBERT!

CG: YOU TOTALLY HAD ME GOING THERE FOR AWHILE

CG: FEEL FREE TO LAUGH AT ME NOW; ABOUT HOW THIS IS ALL SOME HORRIBLE PRANK AND HOW YOU AND STRIDER ARE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH ABOUT IT. AND THEN LALONDE WILL THROW IN HER PSYCHOBABBLE ABOUT WHAT THIS MEANS ABOUT ME AND HARLEY WILL TRY TO SAY THAT WAS RUDE, BUT WILL END UP LAUGHING ALONG WITH YOU TO.

CG: ...

CG: ANY SECOND NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME!

CG: ...

CG: YOU AREN'T JOKING ARE YOU?

EB: hehehe!

EB: i said i wasn’t! not my fault you didn’t believe me. :P

CG: WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD? SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AN ASSHOLE OF A DERP, NOT SOME PSYCHOTIC SERIAL KILLER! THE ONLY THING RIGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID IS KILLING JACK, WHICH I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU DID NOR DO I WANT TO KNOW, FOR FEAR OF MY INSIDES COMING UP AND SPEWING FROM MY MOUTH.

EB: there really is no point in fretting about it! might as well move on and deal with it, actually i’m pretty bored i’ve been wandering here for such a long time.

CG: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, OF COURSE THERE IS A POINT IN FRETTING ABOUT THIS, YOU HAVE JUMPED OFF THE DEEP END, KILLED TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS, KILLED OUR WORST ENEMY, AND STILL THINK YOU ARE COMPLETELY ALRIGHT!

EB: i just couldn’t take it anymore! it was so hard and it hurt so much, i couldn’t take it anymore, the voice said if i gave in i could be happy, so i did.

It takes awhile for you to realize that you typed those words, not the voice. Do you really think that way?

EB: hehehe! that’s right! :B

CG: JOHN

Karkat rarely uses your name, and you always feel surprised when he does.

CG: YOU ARE SEVERELY FUCKED UP AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, BUT YOU, YOU NEED TO SERIOUSLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH. I’M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I’D LIKE TO, MAINLY BECAUSE I AM A HORRIBLE LEADER AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ANYONE WHAT TO DO. BUT YOU ARE CO-LEADER TO I GUESS, EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO LEAD OVER ANYMORE. LOOK JOHN, I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO FEEL SO PRESSURED AND JUST WANT TO GIVE UP, AND I’D LOVE TO TELL YOU THAT SHOULDN’T. BUT IT’S TO LATE FOR THAT, I’LL BE HERE I GUESS, I’VE GOT NO WHERE TO GO. AND FUCK, THIS IS AWKWARD. TRYING TO TALK CALMLY TO SOMEONE WHO IS ON A PSYCHOTIC BREAK, BUT YEA I’M DOING THAT I GUESS

You smiles softly, pleased that even though he’s done such horrible things someone still accepts you, even if they do seem a bit wary of you. Maybe things will be okay from now on? Maybe you can be happy.

But... that’s not right, how can you possibly hope to be happy. You don't deserve it, not after what you’ve done. And then it hurts, it hurts to think about this, you don't want to, you wonder if you will ever be happy again. If the simple thought of it brings you so much pain.

He frowned, oh god he frowned, is he mad? He is always so happy you’re scared to think what he can do when he’s mad.

EB: you’re making him hurt, i don't appreciate that. >:/

CG: HIM? WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HAVEN'T WE BEEN OVER THIS, IF YOU DON'T SPEAK IN INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCES HOW IS ONE SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU?

EB: john, he’s hurting, it’s your fault.

CG: AND NOW YOU ARE SPEAKING IN THIRD PERSON, BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID YOU WEREN'T INSANE ENOUGH.

EB: hehehe! karkat i don’t care what you think! if it hurts john though, it becomes my problem.

Your eyes widen and you realize what he’s getting at. He plans to hurt Karkat, and it hurts to think that he’ll do that. With all your friends gone and your dad dead, the only people you have left are the trolls. And out of them you are really only friends with two, Karkat and Vriska. And as amazing as Vriska seems, she seems a little unhinged, while Karkat, despite his loudness and rudeness, is caring, and you could really use that right now.

You consider trying to break free again, though you aren’t sure what good it will do. You’d only fall back here, especially now, with nothing to even keep you out, what’s even waiting for you out there? Anyone you could’ve met is dead, killed by your own hands.

And once again you’re crying, since when have you been so weak? Is crying even a sign of weakness? You feel like the answer is no, but you still think it is.

CG: I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE SCARED, BECAUSE THAT WAS FUCKING CREEPY.

EB: i would agree with you but i don't think harm should come to you! it would make john sad. D:

EB: we don’t want that do we?

CG: UHH, NO, I GUESS.

He’s safe; at least you won’t have another death on your shoulders, at least one of your friend’s deaths.

You sigh, you can hear them, the voices of the people behind you, a world created by your fears to delude yourself into believing you are okay. You suppose you could be at peace if you were to go there, though it is the exact reason you don't. You don't deserve happiness and refuse to give it to yourself.

You wish they would shut up, you won’t give in, not them at least, you already lost twice you won’t lose a third, especially to this. It is barely tempting, unlike the other.

If there is one thing you want it’s to get off this damn checkerboard, even if you are not in control, even if it’s a danger to others, you can’t stand it here. It makes you crazier, you’re sure of it.

EB: hey! karkat you have any idea how we can get out of here? ;)

You somehow know that it’s meant for you, that winky face, he asked it because he heard you. And despite how crazy it is, you realize that he cares about you. You have no idea how to feel about that. You remember him once saying he was you. You also remember once reading a book Rose had sent you. Something about people that are under a lot of stress, or have had a recent traumatic experience can sometimes split themselves into two, or more, separate personalities to cope with the situation.

You smile, though it comes out a bit twisted. So you’re crazy and made two personalities to deal with it, aren’t you special. You hope Karkat has an idea, you need to get away from here.

CG: WELL, I’M NOT TO SURE ABOUT THIS, WHEN THE SCRATCH HAPPENS I GUESS YOU’LL FIND A WAY OUT YOURSELF, AND THAT WILL LEAD YOU TO US? MAYBE, I DON’T REALLY KNOW.

CG: I ALSO DON’T KNOW WHEN THE SCRATCH IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. USUALLY THE SCREEN BLACKS OUT AND THAT’S THE POINT IN TIME, BUT THAT ALREADY HAPPENED AND I CAN STILL TALK TO YOU. SO WHEN WE LOSE COMMUNICATION, THAT MEANS THE SCRATCH IS COMING.

EB: wow, thanks a lot karkat! :B

EB: it’s going to suck just sitting here for so long, it’s going to get boring real quick.

EB: at least there’s still you to talk to!

You aren’t sure who typed that, it seems like something you’d say, but, you’re pretty sure you didn’t type that. It doesn’t really matter but you think about the oddest of things sometimes.

CG: YEA, I GUESS.

CG: I MEAN IT’S MORE THAN A LITTLE WEIRD TO BE TALKING TO A HOMICIDAL MANIAC WHO I ACTUALLY SORT OF MAYBE CONSIDER A FRIEND? MAYBE AT ONE POINT MORE THAN THAT... UHH ANYWAYS, THIS IS ALL SORTS OF WEIRD. I GUESS THE ONLY REASON I’M SORT OF ALRIGHT WITH THIS IS BECAUSE US TROLLS ARE NATURALLY VIOLENT. THOUGH EVEN I KNOW THIS IS FUCKING WRONG AND SHIT, BUT I ACCEPT YOU AND STUFF? FUCK, WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

EB: hehehe! oh my gosh, karkat you are so silly! :B

CG: FUCK YOU EGBERT!

You like talking to Karkat, he puts a smile on your face, and right now you really appreciate it. You feel your body shift around, as if he’s uncomfortable, is something wrong?

Somewhere inside of you, you know it’s wrong how accepting you are being.

EB: i... i need to go karkat! we will, umm, talk later.

EB: bye.

CG: WAIT, WHERE YOU ARE GOING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 19:47--

CG:  HEY!

CG: GET BACK HERE EGBERT!

CG: FUCK YOU! IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY WHEN THE SCRATCH HAPPENS, I WILL FUCKING FIND YOUR CORPSE AND MUTILATE SO BAD NO ONE WILL EVER RECOGNIZE YOU. THEN AFTER THAT, I WILL THROW WHATEVER'S LEFT INTO THE HOTTEST CRATER IN ALTERNIA AND WATCH IT FIZZLE AND DECAY WHILE BEING ATTACKED BY WILD FEATHERBEASTS.

CG: ...

CG: YOU BETTER BE FINE JOHN.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]\--

_Umm, is something wrong?_

Despite your sort of hatred for this alternate self, you really don't need them down, who knows what they’ll do.

“Nothing!” you notice the extra force put into this, you doubt it’s really nothing.

_Are you sure?_

“Yes.” The edge in the voice makes you want to back off, but you don't, after all there’s nothing he can really do. You open your mouth to speak again but you are interrupted. “Do I make you happy?”

_What?_

Is your ever intelligent response.

“Do I make you happy? Like, umm, I try really hard to make sure you’re happy and stuff!”

You cringe; because you know despite how crazy he is he does care for you. And you in a way appreciate it, but you can’t exactly say it makes you happy. You are somewhat afraid to say that though, who knows how he will react.

_I appreciate the sentiment._

You are a horrible liar, so a somewhat truth will have to do.

He smiles, and it is unlike the estranged demented ones he usually wears, it seems almost sad. You don’t know what to make of it. “I see.”

You blink and suddenly he’s in here with you. An identical version of yourself, down to the blood soaked clothes stares back at you. You are kind of freaked out by this, and the only thing you seem to mind is that if you’re both here then who’s controlling your actual self?

“Hi John!” he has that playful grin on his face and hes staring directly into you.

_Uhh, hi?_

He smiles even wider and your statement, it is kind of unsettling.

“Are you wondering why I’m here?” you nod, he smiles. “Gosh, what I need is real simple! I need you to go to sleep for awhile, not that long it’ll be really quick, you won’t even realize you were asleep! I promise.” Despite his words of reassurance you are still quite unsure.

He seems to sense your unease as he places a hand on your shoulder. “Really John! I want your consent on this!” He seems to half frown at that. “I dont exactly need it.”

You audibly gulp at that, not exactly the most comforting of things to hear.  Still, if he plans on doing it either way you would really like to be able to say you were okay with this. So you nod.

He smiles and flicks your forehead, you can feel yourself slowly fall back, and as you do, the already dark location become darker.

You wonder if you’ll ever be in control again, he seems to smile when you think this, you know he knows the answer to that.

~

You awake to chaos, complete utter chaos, there is really no other word for this. Everywhere around you there are monsters and fire. So many of them are kinds you’ve never seen, you can only assume they are from your friends planets. Your heart clenches at the thought. You really dont want to think about it.

You notice he is looking at a pesterlog, and you sneak a peak, wanting to see too.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 20:50--

CG: HEY EGBERT!

CG: JOHN!

CG: WHATEVER I’LL TALK ANYWAYS, I KNOW WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN SINCE YOU TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED, NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING THOUGH, IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF YOU FOR BASICALLY EVERY MINUTE SINCE THAT HAPPENED.

CG: AND THAT IS A LOT LONGER FOR ME! WHILE YOU’VE PROBABLY SPENT A FEW HOURS JUST WANDERING, I’VE BEEN HERE FOR LONGER THAN I CARE TO REMEMBER, TRYING TO CONTACT YOU; I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW IGNORING ME IS SUCH A DOUCHEBAG THING TO DO, BUT WHATEVER.

CG: THIS IS NOT WHY I’M TALKING TO YOU THOUGH! I HAVE LIKE NEWS I GUESS, NEWS YOU SHOULD FUCKING LISTEN TO IF YOU WANT A TEENY BIT OF HOPE IN YOUR DREARY LIFE. THE SCRATCH IS COMING SOON, DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW I JUST DO, THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.

CG: WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS I KNOW HOW YOU CAN GET HERE, WHICH IF YOU STILL WANT TO DO, AND I’M GUESSING YOU DO, IT’S POSSIBLE.

CG: BUT YEAH, AT SOME POINT DURING THE SCRATCH YOU’LL SEE THE GREEN SUN, IT WON’T BE VISIBLE FOR THAT LONG SO YOU’LL NEED TO BE QUICK ABOUT THIS! WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS GO INTO IT, IT SHOULD TAKE YOU TO US, OR WORST CASE SCENARIO SOME WEIRD ASS PLACE, WHICH IS BETTER THAN GETTING SCRATCHED EITHER WAY.

CG: I, UMM, WISH YOU BEST OF LUCK JOHN, HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON?

CG: YEA THAT’S PRETTY MUCH IT.

CG: BYE

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] have up trolling ectoBiologist [EB]\--

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 21:01--

CG: REMEMBER WHAT I SAID IN THAT FIRST CONVERSATION, I PLAN TO KEEP THAT PROMISE IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP HERE, OR SOMEWHERE, ALIVE.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] gave up trolling ectoBiologist [EB]\--

You aren’t sure what Karkat means in that last part, but that really isn’t important, there's actually a way to get off this desolate planet, that makes you feel like shit. You are so busy in your cheering though that you don't hear that you are being called.

“John! John! Joooooooohn!”

_Oh, sorry, what?_

“Did you read Karkat’s message?”

_Yeah, I did._

“Okay, good!”

There is no talking after that, he is simple attacking the monsters that attack them, you are glad it is just monsters, you really dont want to see yourself killing, even if it’s not really you. Or all you.

You drift off, not really paying attention to anything; you are brought back to earth however, when you hear his excited giggling.

Looking out you see him looking up and up there, much to the excitement of both of you, is the green sun, glaring proudly overhead. You grin widely, and it feels forever since you’ve done that and it feels really nice.

“Let’s do this!!!” you aren’t sure if he’s speaking to you or not, but you nod anyway, excited.

You notice what Karkat was getting at, despite just coming into view, it is already moving quickly away, and though you are worried you might not catch up, you are relatively sure you will. You would feel more reassured if these monsters would leave you alone, but they aren’t really holding you back, the hammer easily takes down the ones that manage to get past the wind powered barrier around you.

“hehehe!” he seems very excited, and you are as well, you can almost touch the sun now, even with its quickness you seem to be faster.

You are a bit worried about jumping into a sun, especially a green one, but you really don't even have a better idea, and you have nothing to lose. Would this even count as heroic? You doubt it, that means you really do have nothing to lose by doing this.

“Hehehe! Almost there!” you are sure if he was on the ground he'd be jumping up and down with glee.

5...

You too are practically bouncing with excitement

4...

You laugh at how despite being a sun it doesn’t feel warm

3...

It’s so close now and it’s slightly intimidating

2...

The glow is so bright in ominous

1...

You close your eyes, and await impact

0...

You open your eyes and your inside, what the heck happens now?

You aren’t really sure what to do, you’re inside a mystical green sun, floating around without a real plan. You feel kind of scared now.

“John?”

_Yes?_

You notice your voice sounds a bit frantic, you suppose you have good reason for that.

“Oh, gosh John don’t worry I know what I’m doing!”

You aren’t sure how he knows since he shouldn’t know more than you do but you don't question it, it is somewhat comforting to think he knows what he’s doing. So you nod, and you really wonder if he can see these nods. Oh well.

“Hey John...” you notice his voice is slightly less peppy, almost sad.

_Err, yea?_

“When, uhh, we get to the meteor, you will, erm, be back in control.

You try hard not to show your elation at those words, you fail miserably.

_Really! Why!_

“I believe, that you can face these problems yourself, and don't need me to protect you from them!”

So the voice you created to protect yourself thinks you’re ready to face life on your own? Is that good? You are pretty sure it is!

_This is awesome!!!_

“You know, even when you are in control, and time has passed and you forget I exist, or pretend I never did in the first place, I’ll still be here. I dont leave, I remain a part of you, I am you, so I exist in you. No matter what happens that will be a never changing fact. If you get to weak I will take over. I am only nice to you John, do not ever think otherwise, no one hurts you if I have any say in the matter, which sadly I don't think I do.” He stops talking and rubs the back of his, your, head. “You might not be crazy John, nut you certainly aren’t sane.”

You aren’t sure what to respond to that, because honestly it is a terrifying thought, and you don't really want to dwell on it.

_Thank you for everything, I guess?_

“Hehehe! John I know you aren’t okay with anything I did! That’s why I did it, not you, you couldn’t.”

You aren’t sure how you feel about that, since he’s you does that mean you wanted to do these things but couldn’t? Again you feel it is best not to dwell on this.

“Goodbye john, I hope we meet again! Though I bet you don't.”

_Bye, err, John?_

The last thing you hear as it goes dark is his amused giggling.

And your last thought is about how tired you are of constantly going unconscious, seriously this is stupid.

~

You open your eyes, another thing you are tired off doing in such a short span of time, you suppose this time it’s different, because for once you don't recognize at all what lies before you.

They are not human, you can tell that much. He has light gray skin and his sclera is yellow instead of white and small fangs protrude from his face. What you find most amusing is the nubby candy corn coloured things on his head, you are pretty sure those are horns, and that is really cool. You take slight notice that his cheeks seem to have a light red stain going down them, you wonder if he’s been recently injured.

Somewhere inside you think the proper response to having a somewhat monsteresque type human on top of you should be terrifying, your reaction however is a wide smile, and you aren’t even sure why.

“Well took you long enough to fucking wake up, you have no idea how long I’ve had to stare at your fucking body, only thing assuring me you weren’t a damn corpse was your breathing. Get people all worked up just dropping out of the sky like it’s fucking normal make my blood pusher go all out of whack with stupid worry, since I have caught the human disease called friendship and thus care about you and your well being, which sucks because I already have Gamzee to worry about, which is hard work since that brain-dead nook sniffer is a fucking psychopath, oh but so are you maybe you can be friends. Actually that sounds like a horrible idea, who knows what you two will do and-”

“Hehe! You sure ramble a lot Karkat!” the words are out of your mouth before you can think them through and you blush, you aren’t even sure if that’s him, it just came out! God you are going to seem so weird now.

“How the hell did you know it was me? As far as I’m aware you’ve never seen me, that is fucking creepy Egbert care to explain?”

You blush, thankful you were right but with no real words to explain yourself. “I didn’t, I kind of just said it.”

“So you go around just calling random people Karkat, that’s fucking normal, though you aren’t normal so that’s fine I guess.” You laugh and smile.

“It’s nice finally meeting you! And seeing you! Though you’ve seen me before, so I guess you can’t say the same.” The look Karkat gives you makes you laugh even harder.

He stands up and offers you a hand, you finally remember that you two are on the ground; you take his hand and stand up, brushing the dust off your clothes. You consider asking how long you were unconscious, but you don't really want to know.

“John,” he stops and looks at you, you do the same. “I know this is strange from someone you’ve technically just met, but you know if you need someone to talk to about the shit that went down on Earth, I’m here, to talk to and shit. And umm, none of us here hold you responsible for what you did, well we do, but we aren’t holding it against you.”

You are taken aback by his words, from the way he typed you always assumed Karkat was a heartless asshole, and while he is a bit of an asshole he is definitely not heartless. In fact Karkat is pretty damn kind! So, with a smile on your face, you pull him into a big tender bro hug, you think you might be holding him a bit tighter than necessary, but you really need this right now.

“Hey! what the fuck do you think you are doing! Who said you could hug me, don't just fucking hug someone out of the blue, let go of me this instant! I swear to god Egbert if you do not let go of me right now I will pull a rip a hole in your stomach and watch with joy as you slowly bleed out.”

You are caught somewhere between laughing and crying, you think you might be doing both. You grip him a little harder and through your tears you manage to speak; “thanks so much Karkat, this means a lot to me.”

You hear his protests die down a bit until he’s silent and just holding you as you cry.

“You’re welcome John.” You smile softly and sniffle.

You realize now you aren’t sane, you never were you never will be.

You realize that your world crashed and burned somewhere along the line.

But now, now is a chance to rebuild and start anew, learn to live with the guilt of the things you’ve caused and move on.

You can be happy because _everyone_ deserves happiness, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Sigh this is almost 11,000 words it is less than 50 words shy of 11,000. Why is this so long! I wanted this to be quick little one-shot, that did not happen in the least :/
> 
> I really like this! and at the same time absolutely hate it, I don't think its horrible but it could have been better.  
> I feel like I'm not the best at writing these characters but I'll get better. I tried hard to do them justice. I think I made a decent Karkat? not sure.
> 
> Also this is full of plot holes! Full of them! The green sun was created by Dave and Rose so if they are dead then who created it?  
> You have one of three options,  
> 1-believe this is a magical AU and it magically happened  
> 2-believe that no matter what the green sun is created  
> 3-While saner-John was unconscious insaner-John created it
> 
> Yea, there are probably more but this is basically how the thought process for all of them would go.
> 
> But yea, I LOVE Psycho!John, and I really believe that John is canonically a bit of an unhinged person.  
> He seems so unfeeling at some points, yet over emotional at others, he is not balanced.  
> But at the same time I believe that John would not be able to go through with the actions he could do/might have done/ did and would create a separate personality to deal with it.
> 
> And thus this fiction was born!  
> Though the voice has some weird personality switches in which sometimes hes friendly with John and sometimes isn't though he always cares, if that makes any sense? I say this because you might notice how the voice has a rather inconsistent way of speaking going from beginning to top.
> 
> And yea... I'm sorry I can't resist sneaking a bit of JohnKat into this, it''s like my OTP and umm, yea. This is more friendshipy then anything though, so not that bad
> 
> Also an alternative Title for this was 'A World Without Blood-Coloured Glasses' it was going to be rose, but then that just reminds me of Rose so I didn't like that, and I think Blood works really well this fic


End file.
